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define 'Thelemic'/ 'Thelemite'

To: alt.magick
From: valuPet 
Subject: define 'Thelemic'/ 'Thelemite'
Date: Sat, 10 Jan 2004 15:50:14 -0800

> The Thelemite Test
> This page and all contents copyright 1997 by John L. Smith
> by Someone Who Should have Known Better
> (Originally presented in IAO Camp's Herald-Tepaphone Vol. 1, Number 2.)
> There is perhaps no better way to start an argument than to pose the question of just what is or is not "Thelemic," or who is or is not a "Thelemite."
I'll get to this later. Good question, though.

> This issue has long been in need of resolution, and here at the Propaganda Ministry we have devoted a wholly absurd amount of time to this very issue. We now present the results of our labours in the form of an easy and objective test that will allow the reader to finally determine, once and for all, his and/or her essential Thelemicness, Thelemitude, and Thelemicity.
NB: Considering the satyrical content of the test, we are not so much 
measuring 'Will' as 'AC-related culture,' the two of which have almost 
no correlation whatsoever.

> Scoring: Unless otherwise specified, give yourself one point for each correct answer; if you don't know the correct answer (and it's not always "yes"), then you got it wrong. Grade scales are at the end of the test.
> A: Personal Information
> Were you raised Catholic?

> Did you flirt with Satanism in your youth?
no. but i issued numerous calls to 'the devil' to save my soul, as 
'jesus' was apparently too busy.

> With Wicca?
no. but i sympathize with nature lovers in whatever form they manifest.

> Do you wear mostly black?

> Do you wear a Pentagram?

> Do you wear a Unicursal Hexagram?
yes. under my shirt. not displayed for the profane. it means something 
to me, i don't ask others to agree with or understand my eccentricities.

> Do you wear a funny hat?
some people think its funny. i think it keeps me warm. ;)

> Have you ever had asthma?

> Do you shave your head?

> Do you have the reputation of being a "Black Magician?"
in some quarters, probably. but hey, 'consider the source,' i always say.

> Do you object fundamentally to this test even though you're already getting 100 percent?
no. i think it is a riot, so far!

> B: Questions of the Law
> How many copies of Liber AL do you own ? (One point each, limit ten. Include copies published separately or as part of a larger book but not electronic copies.)
AT LEAST 10. :)

> Are you offended by The Book of the In-Laws?
occassionally. mostly though, it is a /much-needed/ jab at an 
overwrought scripture, or otherwise self-important evangelism.

> How many "Secret Fourth Chapters" of Liber AL have you read? (One point each, limit ten.)
hmmm. i have read many writings considering themselves inspired, 
following a style somewhat similar to Liber AL, but I am not sure how 
many of these actually hold this claim. until i receive further 
instructions from my superiors, i am going to answer 'none and two' to 
this one.

> Have you written any "Secret Fourth Chapters" of Liber AL?

> Have you written any commentaries on Liber AL?
depends on what constitutes 'commentaries.'

> Do you accept the "Short Comment?"
i accept it within what i think are reasonable limits.

> Do you understand it?
on Tuesdays, sometimes.

> Did you actually burn your first copy of Liber AL?
i am saving this sacrament for later.

> How many copies of Liber OZ have you posted? (One point each, limit ten. Internet postings do not count.)
at least 10.

> C: Bibliomania
> [Electronic copies and photocopies do not count in this section.]
> Do you collect Crowley books?
avidly. enthusiastically. shamelessly (mostly).

> Do you have more Crowley books than any other kind?
no. i have a very large science, math, computer library, a fairly large 
poetry/literature collection, a big collection of miscellaneous school 
books covering all sorts of topics (cultural anthro, religion, 
philosophy, film, pomo art, etc.). my journals outnumber (easily) the 
crowley books i own. sadly, a cross i must bear.

> Put together?
no. see above.

> Was the last book you read a Crowley book?
no. i have read them all (mostly) already and now read mostly 
non-fiction and poetry.

> Do you have multiple copies of any Crowley books other than Liber AL?
yes. multiple Liber Aleph's, ABA's, Eq. III:10's, Konx Om Pax's, and 
others. Mainly because I marked up the others so badly, I could barely 
read them anymore.

> Do you own any first edition Crowley books?

> Do you own a set of the Equinox? (Bonus point if it's a first edition)
electronic pdf's only if we are talking Volume One.

> Do you collect Kenneth Grant books even though you think he's a complete cheesehead?
No. His books are too expensive.

> Do you collect books that simply mention Crowley?

> Do you make friends with people just so you can borrow their books?

> Do you refer to Crowley books by their initials?
Yes, in internet newsgroups only.

> By their numbers?
as above.

> Do you build your library around the reading lists in the back of MTP?
Yes and no. I consider the AA Syllabus to be something like Class C, ie 
/instructive/ not 'holy writ' to be followed to the 'foot of the 
letter.' I also have 'my own ingenium' to guide.

> D: Hardcore Than Thou?
> Do you actually say "Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law"instead of "hello?"
if i wish to annoy fellow thelemites, yes, i will indulge in this bit of 

> Do you actually say "Will" before every meal?
no. silently to myself before important or challenging days, yes.

> Do you actually do Resh four times a day?
silently to myself, yes, mostly.

> Do you read Fundamentalist Satanic Conspiracy books just to see if you are mentioned therein? (Bonus point if you were.)
no and no.

> Do you actually refer to non-Thelemites as "Trogs"?
if i want to tongue and cheek it, sure, why not.

> Do you actually say "APO PANTOS KAKODAIMONOS" to any clergy you happen to meet?
only if they look particularly Puritan or otherwise seem like offensive 

> When looking for a place to live, do you do you consider a building'sorientation to Boleskine?
no. but my current place of residence /does/ point NE.

> Do you choose your phone, PO Box, PIN, or license plate numbers for Qabalistic reasons?

> Do you date your checks Thelemically?
sometimes. what's a bored coumsumer to do?

> How many copies of the Thoth Tarot do you own? (One point each, limit ten.)
one at a time. i make a habit of giving away each after they have been 

> Have you ever "worn one out?"
only once. give me a break, i was young!

> Do you play card games with the Thoth Tarot?
only with fellow glass-bead gamers.

> How about "strip" card games?
only with hashish.

> Would you name your daughter "Nuit Ma Ahathoor Sappho Hecate Jezebel Lilith?"
'death by nomenclature?' no, thanks!

> Would you name your dog "Because?"
i wouldn't own a dog. they are lovely animals, but too much /work/ for 
my lifestyle.

> Do you make a point of buying 93-octane gasoline?
no, 87 has particular qabalistic significance to me.

> Do you wear your Magical robes around the house?
only on hashish.

> Around town?
on halloween, maybe.

> Do you refer to the founder of modern Witchcraft as "Brother Gardner?"
I have no basis by which to judge this question.

> Do you make a particular point of this when around Wiccans?

> Do you get all the obscure in-jokes in this test?
Yes, most of them.

> E: Crowleyanity
> Do you demand 12 October off from work/school for "religious reasons?"
Good call. This is really smart!

> Do you actually like Crowley's poetry?
Yes. But then again, I like self-indugent, over-wrought literateurs, and 
their intellectual baubles.

> How many reincarnations of Aleister Crowley do you know? (one point each, limit ten.)
This one is just ridiculous.

> Are you the reincarnation of Aleister Crowley?
see above.

> How many pictures of Aleister Crowley do you have on your walls? (One point each, limit ten.)
Usually, one at a time.

> Do you make pilgrimages to places Crowley visited?
I don't have occassion to travel much. But if I did, I probably would.

> Have you ever "poured over maps of New Hampshire" in search of Lake Pasquaney?

> Do you have a sample of dirt from a certain backyard in New Jersey?
No. Presumably, this refers to a certain urn.

> Would you buy a limited facsimile edition of Aleister Crowley's Laundry Lists?

> Would you brag about it if you did?
No, but I might try to get M. Starr to autograph it for me.

> Have you ever tried smoking perique soaked in rum just because it was Crowley's favourite?
No. But it sounds enticing.

> Do you have the hospital bills to prove it?
Is this /actually/ toxic, I wonder?

> Can you name all of Crowley's pseudonyms?
I'd like to see it done.

> Have you ever used one of them yourself?
> F: Arts and Entertainment
> Have you ever seen The Devil Rides Out ?
No. Barely even heard of it.

> Have you ever read Somerset Maugham's The Magician?
No. And I don't plan on it either.

> Do you collect Current 93 albums even though they suck?
They *don't* suck, and yes, I have a few Current 93 MP3's. Lucifer Over 
London is good.

> Did you actually buy that $31.00 CD of Crowley reading his poetry?
Yes, but it cost me considerably less on the used rack.

> Do you think the Simon Iff stories would play well on Mystery?
It could be done. But I didn't enjoy most of them too well.

> Do you think The Vision and the Voice would make a good interactive computer game?
I suppose with creativity anything could be done well. Just as a great 
work could be turned to shit in the wrong hands.

> Should completing the game successfully entitle you to the Grade of Magister Templi?
Probably higher.

> Do you collect Dead Can Dance albums?
I had a few that were stolen.

> Do you refer to the lead guitarist of Led Zeppelin as "Brother Page?"
No. When I get a definitive statement from him as id'ing himself as a 
Thelemite, I will. None has yet been forthcoming, afaik.

> Do you have a bootleg of Page's Lucifer Rising soundtrack?

> How many Kenneth Anger movies have you seen? (One point each, limit eight since that's all there are!)
Maybe 7?

> Did you understand any of them?
I don't know, did you 'understand' Monet or Manet when you saw them in 
the museum? IOW, what /exactly/ is there to understand?!

> G: Social Life
> How many Magical Orders do you belong to? (One point each, limit ten.)

> Are you the Head of any of these Orders?
see above.

> How many of these Orders have expelled you? (Bonus point if you were also the Head of the Order.)

> Do you live in the bad part of town?

> Are the local street gangs scared of you?

> Have you ever been arrested for carrying your Magical sword around?
No. I am not that stupid.

> How many Thelemic 'zines or newsletters do you get? (One point each, limit ten, electronic 'zines or e-mail lists don't count.)

> Have you contributed to a Thelemic 'zine or newsletter? (E-zines don't count.)

> Have you edited a Thelemic 'zine or newsletter? (Bonus point if you had to do the whole thing yourself.)

> When traveling, do you plan your route so you can crash at other Thelemites' homes?
If I am going to Santa Cruz, I know where to go.

> When visiting other Thelemites, do you spend the first half-hour looking at their books?
Of course not. I am polite. I exchange niceties for a good couple 
minutes first, then I go to the good shit! ;)

> Can you be with another Thelemite for one hour without arguing?
What fun would that be?!

> Are arguments better than sex?
Apples and oranges aside: arguments /can/ make sex better, but arguments 
are not better than sex. ;)

> Are Crowley books better than sex?
Crowley books can make sex better (or worse, depending on how bad a 
reader one is) but books are not better than sex.

> Have you ever tried to combine all three?
all the time!

> Within one month of starting a new relationship, have you persuaded your new girlfriend to donate her monthlies to the cause? (Conversely, were you that girlfriend?)
no comment.

> Do you try to get your dates in the mood by reading from Snowdrops?
don't own a copy, yet.

> Does your family think you're going to Hell?
they are white /American/ Catholics, they don't believe in Hell.

> Does your family think you're dead?
How scary is this Question?! I'll venture a 'No' answer.

> Subtract one point for every relative you are on speaking terms with. (Limit ten.)
-5 for living blood relatives. -5 for non-living blood relatives.

> Grading:
> 0 points or less You are probably the reincarnationof Victor Neuburg, but that's all right, we won't hold it against you.
> 1 to 5 points Come on! Even John Symonds could do better than that!
> 6 to 10 points You've heard about Crowley and know to visualise the White Light whenever his name is mentioned so those evil satanic Crowleyites don't mess up your aura.
> 11 to 21 points You are a borderline case. Stop reading Starhawk and study the Bagh-i-Muattar.
> 22 to 43 points You are Thelemic but you need to work harder. We suggest a Magical Retirement to contact "the little clouds of deities that inhabit the nostrils."
> 44 to 55 points You are a dedicated Thelemite who can eat your weight in fluffy Neo-Pagans for breakfast, and probably does if given half the chance.
> 56 to 76 points You are seriously hardcore. You practically live in your Magical robes, subsist entirely on Cakes of Light, and have an aura so dark no one has actually seen you in years.
> 77 to 92 points You are almost certainly the reincarnation of Aleister Crowley. You now have the right to attend the annual convention at Boleskine.
> 93 points or more Even Crowley would be scared of you.


My comment:

What is 'Thelemic?' Everything, to the intelligent mage, is related to 
the True Will, and is thus 'Thelemic.'
Who is a 'Thelemite?' Anyone who wants to 'look closely into the word' 
is bound to accept that which applies to their unique circumstances and 

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