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Of ... thelema

From: Shedona Chevalier 
Subject: Re: Of ... thelema
Date: Tue, 10 Aug 1999 18:26:42 -0400


Martjin:  <<< I don't see why this is a either-either situation. In my
opinion, one can both be a thelemite knowing the book of the law and
knowing nothing about it. >>>

I agree.  I was born one.  From as far back as I can remember (and My
memory of this life stretches back to approximately 18 months of age in
some respects) My internal aim was set upon two basic premises:  (a) the
will toward independent self-government and (b) the will to love and to
be loved.  I acted upon these quite naturally, despite all attempts to
train AND to characterize Me as otherwise.

In (a), I was taught that the world around Me perceived Me as
"rebellious".  I was not rebellious in the least.  Rebellion implies a
recognition of something to rebel against.  I possessed no such
recognition.  I did not "rebel" against their "system" (of authority or
whatever); I simply never recognized it.  I honestly did not understand
anything they presented regarding it because their method of doing so
and the contents thereof were not amenable to reason and logic, and so
could not take hold upon My mind as part of "reality".  As you can
imagine, this drove My parents and teachers nuts, but it was not for
lack of trying to understand; I drove MYSELF nuts for years TRYING to. 
It just never made sense, so it never gained any foothold in My
perceptions as "real".  To this day My sense of "real" consistently
transcends arbitrary constructs of human consensus.  I have learned by
now that this equates in human terms to looking at what "could be"
instead of what "is", but I truly don't see THEIR "is" as being "is"; I
see it as being THEIR "could be" which they are desperately (and at
times, violently) seeking to impose upon others as "what is."

Anyway, I suppose if, as a child, I had found anyone who genuinely
demonstrated both a superior intellect and a sincere devotion to My
well-being evidenced by their attitude of approach toward Me, it would
have been different, as (b) above (will to love & be loved) was also
very much in evidence and slowly growing to epic proportions as an
emptiness and sadness inside that could not find any outlet for
fulfillment.  I learned what (b) consisted of by reasoning backwards
from what I did not find to what I yearned for, but unfortunately, that
is a woefully inadequate model for education in the giving aspect of

As (a) is an expression of "do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the
Law" and (b) is an expression of "love is the law, love under will", I
can see this has been the core of My being since I came forth in this
life, and thus I say, for being a "Thelemite", I was born one.

93 93/93

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