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To: alt.satanism,alt.magick.tyagi,talk.religion.misc,alt.pagan
From: tyagi@houseofkaos.abyss.com (nocTifer)
Subject: (Z) Into Satanist Religion
Date: 29 Apr 1998 18:13:42 -0400

49980429 aa2 Hail Satan!

References, Definition, and Retrospective on my Satanism
--------------------------------------------------------

re Satanism references of value:
are there many references?  I'd love to hear about them.  the closest
thing to a good reference I've found was _Satan Wants You_ by Arthur
Lyons.  others seem to have their own agenda and even Lyons was a bit
biased.  the best reference online about Satanism I've seen is my own:

		http://www.abyss.com/tokus

and I recommend that you see it for yourself (Smackers especially).
 

re Neopaganism in comparison and the 'definition' of Satanism:
Satanism seems
to exascerbate and glorify *individualism* in a way that
Neopaganism may only occasionally emphasize.  that is, Satanism
seems to include a great many more things than may be safely
described or defined.  it would be rude for me to say what the
limits of Satanism are.

I consider "satanism" (the projection and condemnation scheme
which many Christians have been supporting for many hundreds of
years) to be a part of Christian religion, unfortunately, and
to an extent the Satanism which has been created was in response
to this bogey-making.


re whether Satanism is a 'viable religion':
Satanism is a viable religious complex, though its emphasis on
individualism makes the catch-all title 'religion' a somewhat
awkward identification.  this is the case with many large
religious systems that diversify beyond being able to easily
encapsulate them (e.g. Christianity, Buddhism, even Wicca).


re 'how I decided on the Satanist religion':
the questions along these lines 'how did you decide', 'how did
you arrive at the conclusion of', 'how did you become', with
regard to religion have always been confusing to me.  they
unintentionally imply that the process of religious discovery
is commanded or directed by the conscious mind or ego, that we
have a choice set out before us (e.g. vanilla, chocolate, and
strawberry) and that we carefully taste each one before we
select one (ostensibly, like straight-square marriages) for 
the rest of our lives.

how many times have I heard those who have converted and some
who have been born into traditions say that their religion
reflected their values and the nature of their being to them
and so seemed as if it was a ready-made path for them to
expand into?  setting out the markers of those who have gone
before us, doesn't a religion allow us to grow in ways we
never could have imagined along lines of natural rhythm and
desire?

these things were very true for me in my growth into
Satanism as I am so very eclectic and syncretic, enjoying
a mishmash-personal-composite of religious practice and
focus that, for me, includes almost everything that draws me.

I was taught to love nature.  I was taught to oppose unwanted
and unwarranted authority.  I was taught that freedom and the
restriction of individual liberty was a travesty, and that
those who engaged it (politicians, demogogues, etc.) were evil,
should be avoided when necessary, ousted when possible, and
generally opposed.  this is doubly the case for those who
impact the wilderness in negligent and exploitative ways.

coming from such a background, devoid of "religion" in any
ordinary sense except when I explored outside my mother's
protection (often taking flight from it as they -- typically
Christians -- sought to ensnare and enslave my mind with
their memes and ethical puritanism), I was, as I entered my
early adulthood, simultaneously obsessed with understanding
it and what value it appeared to contain.  needless to say
my mother was always confounded by this and it has been a
very large difference between us.

mysticism and community drew me, and dogmatism and lack of
skeptical analysis repulsed me.  this was the case as I
joyfully entered into the companionship of Neopagans and,
later, after studying for a year or two with some Wiccans
(Gardnerian, CA line), became initiated into the OTO.

by this time in my life I had developed my own style of
ritual, conceived of rudimentary cosmologic preferences
(built atop my love of intelligent hedonism and scientific
inquiry into all things), and entered into a relationship
with an intelligence whose nature I still do not completely
understand (I have called Her 'spirit guide', 'Demon Queen',
'Holy Guardian Angel', and 'Kali Ma', my wife as I engage
a solitary monastic practice I know to be 'tantric' through
Her instruction).  

so my main interest in initiation into OTO, for example, was as a
suggested challenge by Kali, not really to find myself or discover 
something through social religious tradition.  in fact, more
often than not (as in my Wiccan instruction/exploration) I
was a kind of sore thumb, questioning things, exploring the
possible limitations of what I described as 'psychospiritual
technology' (mystical and magical disciplines), and generally
challenging where most around me were interested in conforming 
and getting the Dance Steps right.  a solitary amongst coveners.

there is alot about Wicca I adore and I still consider
myself Wiccan by my understanding of its basic principles.
this is something I could *not* say about the Thelemic
religion when I ran into it in my Order (Gnostic Mass,
various devotional and magical liturgies, etc.), since my
early love for science and Crowley broke me of seeing
'Thelema' in any but philosophic and ethical code or set
of principles aligning and supporting the magical enterprise.

after about 10 years of such exploration I felt a need to
pursue my tantric monasticism in greater earnest and this
necessitated a rigorous change of lifestyle and occupation.
searching for the proper combination of ethics and energy in
association with economy that I have come, in my Buddhist
ways, to know as 'Right Livelihood', I inverted my schedule
to that of my society and undertook both a radical paring
of my personal goods and a fairly hermit-like existence
that served to distance me from the Wiccan and Thelemic
communities.

for the next 7 years I would both intensify my activities
online and begin a depth study of what was called 'Satanism'.
it seemed a natural progression to me to see what was behind
the 'Satan' mask as I had that of the 'Witch'.  things taboo
and forbidden have always been a subject of my fascination,
and as I began to look at the diversity which is Satanism I 
was intrigued and inspired.

I'm afraid I'm leaving out quite alot here that was part of
my personal religious life, such as my marriage to Kali that
was the formal initiation of my monastic transit, the
construction of a temple in which I lived whose focus was
both a large Kali altar and my central instruction via the
dakinis who surrounded me on the walls (they are Her
entourage or shakti-power as I understand them, and provide
for the interested the wisdom of the cosmos), and my
discovery of my church (the Church of Euthanasia) whose
ecological and pro-death intent was indicative of deep
insight as I understood from the beginning).

as I pored over texts, interviewed Satanists and contemplated
what Satanism could be and had become, I was struck with
several revelations.  one was that 'Satan' is wild nature and
Kali Hir sakti or power; perhaps SHe is an hermaphroditic composite
of the dakinis from whom I learned so much (I have never even
considered this progression until now).  another was that SHe
was a dual-gendered being, along the lines of several images
I had constructed or seen within magico-spiritual communities 
(both Thelemic and Wiccan -- often called 'Baphomet' and very
often shown on tarot 'Devil' cards). 

another, which became of intense interest to me, was the pact
with Satan that had been so important to Gardner and many
others from the Faustian tradition which has loomed so large
in Euro-american literary and media history.  I understood
that a variation on its carriage (that seen not from the
Christian but from the Neopagan perspective, blood-pact with
the Lord of Nature) was a potent and transformative rite.

I was of course inspired to undertake such a rite, and to
dedicate my life's blood to wild nature (Satan) for the
traditional exchange of the satiation of my desires (these
being centrally indicative of the ravage we humans are
making of our non-human kin).

it was at this point (96/6/6) that I entered into a formal
and overtly acknowledged Satanist path, though I feel that
I have always been a Satanist (as I have discovered I am 
Wiccan, Buddhist, Taoist, Muslim and even Christian within very
specific parameters frequently dismissed by the 'righteous').

the label correctly locates me as opposing the Christian
society in which I live, with its procreationist, anti-wild,
values, discloses my deep and abiding love for wrathful
imagery and the Dark Pagan Gods (who seem to have largely
have been forgotten or left behind by Neopagans, turned into
'demons' by the Judeochristian dualists -- I'm glad to say 
that there *are* Dark Pagans), and, in my openly acknowledged 
eclecticism, supports the possibility of a united ecological 
front defending non-humans from the exploitation and disrespect 
that so many religious fail to see is contrary to the spirit 
of their most profound ethical codes and spiritual instruction.


I would be quite willing to engage questions regarding the
above or other subjects and will try to take whatever I
write and forward it with a rephrasing of the inquiry to
public forums.  I'm shamelessly self-promotional while I
serve the health of my Lord and Lady. ;>

blessed beast!
________________________________________________________________________
nocTifer: tyagi@houseofkaos.abyss.com  ---  http://www.abyss.com/tokus
TOKUS-COE Office: 408/2-666-SLUG --- Emergency Contraception:18005849911
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