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Magic, Partnership and Ethics

To: alt.magick.tyagi,alt.magick,alt.magick.ethics,alt.paranormal.spells.hexes.magic,alt.pagan.magick,alt.religion.wicca
From: lorax666 
Subject: Magic, Partnership and Ethics
Date: Thu, 22 Jan 2004 22:46:17 GMT

50040122 vii om -- Happy Triumph Day! (wilson):
# Here is an understanding I have. Doing magick/manifesting to affect
# another specific person, without their permission, is "not kosher".

a common notion in some parts, yes.

# I have a significant other that I live with. As anyone who lives 
# with their partner knows, *any* decision I make regarding my 
# material life in the future necessarily involves/affects
# my partner on some level.

quite so.

# I was never in a serious relationship before, so this issue just
# didn't come up.

and accounts for your decision to ask about it in public.

# Some areas will affect my partner *explicitly*. Let's say (for the
# purposes of argument) I want a house, a wedding ceremony, or a baby,
# at some point in the future; my partner is going to be definitely
# affected by that decision, and by "magicking" it, I am affecting his
# free will. 

by deciding you want it without discussing it with them, you are in
effect removing their input from the decision, separating from them,
without ever having cast a spell.

# I am affecting his free will by either 1) producing the
# desired effect with some partner in the future who can provide it -
# I'm magicking the end of the relationship! 

with or without magic you may be doing that, yes. i.e. say that you
decide that you are going to have children and your partner is dead
set against ever doing so. effectively you've doomed the relation
unless capable of resolving the difference of will between you.

# 2) influencing *him* to provide this desired effect. Isn't either 
# way interference with free will?

1) making it happen with or without them
mundanely: producing the desired effect could doom the relation.
           it does not require corruption of their will to effect it

magically: producing the desired effect might doom the relation
           it does not require corruption of their will to effect it
2) making them do it
mundanely: extortion or some other leverage might be used, but would
           cast a shadow on the character of the relation thereafter.
           it does not require corruption of their will to effect it,
           but does include coersion, which is hostile and abrasive.

magically: producing the effect would probably sully the relation.
           it does require a direct manipulation of their will to
           effect it, and thereby enters a 'questionable' category
           of ethical consideration (some cultures frown on what
           may be referred to as 'coersive (/black) magic'.

# Whereas, if I had been working toward this goal while single, the
# partner involved would've not been a specific person, but rather
# someone I hadn't met yet, thus = no interference with free will.

that is usually the thought-line followed, yes.

# Some other areas may affect my partner indirectly: while it may seem
# that getting a car, or changing careers, may only appear to affect
# *me*, I have no way of seeing into the future how these will affect my
# significant other. In "real life" we would have to talk about these
# issues.

yes, the mundane aspects may have an influence, but the direct action
need not directly corrupt or coerce their will.

# Does anyone have any input on this issue? It seems tricky/dicey.

it's pretty commonplace, and the lines of ethical delineation vary.

# In this case, I've had difficulty engaging my partner in discussion in
# this matter as he isn't involved in magick or manifestation work, or
# the expansion of possibilities that comes from the changes in thinking
# that go with this work.

that's a huge crevasse to overcome right there. you may have a lot 
of work ahead of you, depending on how important magic is to you.

# So I would have a difficult time asking him,
# "Hey is it OK if I manifest a house for us". 

sometimes ideals posed as brainstorming help. "If we could get a sweet
deal on a house, honey, would you be interested in moving with me?"

# Also, his thinking in
# terms of the future tends to be pretty 'grounded' and 'day-to-day'. He
# thinks in terms of what he thinks is 'realistic'. If I asked him about
# a house, he would answer, "We can't afford one", not "Yes I want one";
# that's how he is.

should his thinking rule? perhaps if you shared your own thought
processes it would avoid unnecessary conflicts or discomfort down
the road.

# How can I work to manifest changes in my own life - for instance, a
# dream house - without affecting my partner's free will? 

by working to align your will *with* your partner's. that requires
clear and direct communication, a willingness on your partner's
part to accept that you are a witch or mage, and their lack of
objection to being who you are (that you have effectively
concealed from them and so distanced them as any kind of 'partner').

# Is there a clause I have to put in here... "Such-and-such that 
# will be amenable to both of us"?

that could be helpful. hedging is exemplified most succinctly and
with great attention to detail in Diane Weinstein's "Positive
Magic", for those who have an interest in making sure that no
toes are stepped upon.

# How does this work?

the mundane and the magical are not that different, really.

# I've never had anyone else to consider before!

I totally understand. you have to decide how far you want to let
that person into your private concerns, how much of a partner you
really want them to be. it may lead to conclusions that you are
not with the person best suited to living 'out' as a witch, as
an example, or that they will have to follow you somewhat down
the Path you are on in order to stick near enough to you so as
to remain your long-term intimate and co-worker.

blessed beast!


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