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Magical Manipulation

From: catherine yronwode 
Subject: Magical Manipulation (was e: help to stop manipulation...)
Date: 16 May 1997 11:28:20 -0700

LM  wrote:
> I am looking to learn of any ways to stop someone from manipulating 
> someone else.

{details of situation snipped except for} 
> ...{his mother} has recently succeeded into manipulating him into 
> breaking up with me. {...} he decided that I was really
> angry at him and that he was hurting me too much because he doesn't 
> know if he is marriagable material so we should just be friends. 
> This came after a day of him continuously telling me he loved me. 
> {...} I have had a compatiblility reading done on the two of us and I 
> have been told that he is my soulmate.... My question is, Is there 
> something I can do to allow him to see what she has done? We have 
> tried talking about it (and I will admit, I didn't do it
> very well since I was angry) and he gets defensive and protective of 
> his mother. ...I feel that this relationship was the one that was 
> meant to be. I have never been so happy or content or felt so right 
> with anyone else. I want this relationship to work, and I do not want 
> to *compel* him to return to me, but I do want him to evaluate both 
> our relationship and his potential as "marriageable material" 
> ...without the negative influences from his mother. I would prefer 
> someway to open his eyes to her, without him realizing 
> it is coming from me ... if I talk to him about it, he won't listen.

This is a situation that is not uncommon. The problem, as you realize
full well, is to help him see that he loves you, and to strengthen his
decision-making skills, while not appearing to be the enemy of his
beloved (and probably destructive and manipulative) mother.  This
is, in fact, a classic case of "in-law trouble." 

In the history of folk-magic used for relationship problems such as
this, one can find recipes running the gamut from all-out revenge to
encouraging peace on all parties. Here are a few samples of the range of
magical actions i know, in descending order of evilness and increasing
order of benevolence on your part: 

1) Curse her. For instance, burn a DUME candle on her or cross her or
sprinkle her house with Graveyard Dirt or Goofer Dust. 

2) Send her away. Burn an Intranquil Spirit candle on her or use Hot
Foot Powder or Drive Away Oil or something of that nature to get her out
of his and your life. 

3) Break up their overly-symbiotic mother-son relationship. Burn a
Break-Up candle on her in both their names or use Cast Off Evil Oil or
powder to separate them. 

4) Bend her to your will. Use Domination incense and Essence of
Bend-Over or Do As I Say oil to fix her so that she can no longer try to
control either of you and will do what you say. 

5) Protect him from her influence. Use John the Conqueror to strengthen
his mastery and Angelica root to protect both of you from her and add an
assortment of herbs (such as hyssop) and oils (such as Fiery Wall of
Protection) that keep evil at bay. 

6) Bring him back. Burn an Adam and Eve or Reconciliation candle on both
of you and use a seven-day Lodestone spell (dressing the lodestones with
magnetic sand and Love Me oil to get him to return. 

7) Create a loving, peaceful environment that will win her heart and
bring him back. Burn a Peace in the Home candle on all three of you and
use Peace in the Home oil plus Love Me oil to calm her and arouse his

I hope this is the kind of information is what you were looking for.
Good luck. 

And, in a NON-magical vein, i would suggest that you look into the
serious possibility that he has a mild mental illness such as
panic/anxiety disorder or even obsessive-compulsive disorder, because a
grown man should not be so easily influenced by outside forces and would
not be unless he had internal hormonal imbalances that continually cause
him to doubt his own decision-making and negate his own choices.
Likewise, his mother may also suffer from a similar disorder, causing
her to fall into destructive patterned thinking based on irrational fear
of negative outcomes (e.g. that his marriage will fail, that he is "not
marriageable material"). 

One way to determine if this problem underlies his erratic behaviour is
to question him about his fears. Do they seem to be based in reality or
are they arbitrary and not ammenable to rational discourse? For
instance, the fear that when one is drunk a car accident is more likely
to happen is real -- but the feara that he will "disappoint" you if he
marries you or that "all marriages fail" or that he is "destined to
remain unmarried" are irrational because they are not based on evidence
of any kind. 

Ask also about compulsions (not all people with this disorder have them,
though, so lack of compulsions is not a disproof of the disorder): Does
he "have to" do things such as switch on a light or tap his fingers a
certain number of times when under stress? Does he overgroom to the
point of tissue destruction (e.g. bite his nails or cuticles, pull out
his own hair, pick at scabs and insect bites until they bleed)? Does he
"need to" obey rigid but essentially arbitrary strictures governing food
consumption or cleanliness? Compulsions are simply an externalized form
of stress-reduction; a person can suffer from extreme panic/anxiety
disorder and OCD and display an almost complete inability to make
decisions due to continual "second-guessing" without exhibiting a single

I am not kidding when i say this: the possibility is real that both of
them have this disorder (there is evidence that it is passed along
genetically) and if either or both of them were to receive treatment
with selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors (e.g. Paxil, Serzone,
Luvox, Prozac), the repeated cycle of moving toward a marriage and then
backing away from it -- the irrational fear of commitment -- and the
irrational belief that any decisions made would have nnegative outcomes
-- would be reduced considerably. 

I am not a doctor. This was just advice from a friend. 

catherine yronwode
The Lucky Mojo Curio Co.:

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