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[from http://www.crl.com/~tzimon ] Subject: SHOGGOTH CONJURATION ____________________________________________________________ 1. Go to the ocean. Bring with you a bottle of tequila and a brass shotglass, a rattle made from the float bladder of a giant kelp, and a person who causes you great sexual frustration. 2. With the butt-end of the rattle, draw a circle in the sand centered around you. The other person stands outside the circle. 3. The other person now removes hir clothes and stands a distance from you great enough so that the roar of the ocean masks anything they say. Hishi performs any magickal rite which you don't know. 4. Fill the shotglass with tequila (Note: Cuervo 1800 suggests itself well, if only for gematric content of the name). Drink 1/4 of it but swallow only 1/2 of what you drink. Spit the rest in one of the four cardinal directions in a fine spray. 5. Dance clockwise around the circle but keep your eyes focused on the other person as hishi performs hir ritual. Shake your rattle and sing the music (not the lyrics) to the song "Seen and Not Seen" (Talking Heads, "Remain in Light", Sire Records, 1981 or so). 6. After a little while, sit down in the middle of your circle and start drinking shots of tequila. Convince yourself that everything is OK and simple continue to watch the other person admiringly. 7. When the other person finishes hir rite, convince hir to enter the circle and join you in the tequila. Attempt to steer the conversation so that hishi says, "I was really cold", or "It's very cold tonight" or "Hey, don't look at my that way!" 8. At this moment, at least one shoggoth will leave the ocean at a high rate of speed and attach itself to you. If it doesn't come to you, then go to it and simply stand in its midst. Congratulations. You now have a shoggoth. Banishing isn't really possible, but you will eventually acclimate to it. It requires no care, feeds wherever it wants to, and will rearrange the variables in your life (and the lives of those around you) in exciting and challenging ways. Enjoy! ____________________________________________________________ [LINK]Back to Tools of CHAOS
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